Seeking growth

In life we are presented with many choices.

At times it may feel overwhelming with only 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, 52 weeks in a year – to accomplish everything that needs my attention. In other times, I have caught myself wishing for more choices because the person next to me was presented with “better” or “different” choices.

Why do I have this thought or perception that “The grass is greener on the other side?” Why the second guessing? I mean everyone uses that saying but does it make it valid?!

Is it just simply because I am curious and always on the look out for the best for myself?

Is it because I am not satisfied?

When I second guess myself, is it a result of a comment from someone else? Or is it because I truly think the decision was not the best one for myself? How often do I allow anothers belief system, comment, thought – influence my way of thinking? Is

After I made my decision, why do I allow myself to diminish my own experiences because someone else received a different result after making the same choice as me.

Why is it so challenging to just focus on my own experience. Is it so much more important that I receive outside approval? Does the thought and beliefs of others matter more than my very own thoughts and beliefs?

***

I grew up in a conservative, traditional family. I am the youngest in the family. I did not think for myself. I was excellent at following instructions to a T. I was obedient. I was a Robot. I was a wallflower. I was a people pleaser. I gave and gave – even when I was empty.

Years and years after university, working full-time in society showed me I have put myself at a disadvantage. I was getting used and manipulated by others but I was also a willing pawn. Something had to change. The road of least resistance was to change myself – my way of thinking, my actions, my reaction, my responses. It was beyond challenging and difficult. Luckily I met amazing people to be my mentors.

It is difficult to separate out the belief systems that I have taken on since birth – the belief system from the general society, the belief systems from each of my family member, the belief system from a random stranger. However, if I spend the time to look at my belief system closely, it’s amazing how these belief system has been used to formulate mine – blindly. The difficult task is to tease out the ones that does not ring true for me. It is amazing how some of these ‘strange’ belief system can create fear and perhaps crippling thoughts. Letting them go was like losing part of me – what was familiar and comfortable but it was an unhealthy rut to live in.

It is empowering to learn to set boundaries. It is true independence to think for myself. It can be unnerving to have an intrigued audience. It is scary to unveil my innermost thoughts. Life is a learning curve. If I do not evolve then I will become stagnant.

***

It is very challenging to be constantly aware and be conscious of my thoughts and actions.

However, it is best for me to notice the Universe is here to contribute positively to my intentions. The Universe will present to me what I need at the time and not necessarily what I want. To have trust and faith in the Universe.

If it is meant to be, it will be.

To evolve. To be awake. To be aware.

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